Dear Friends,
We tend to think of successful people as exceptionally capable, independent, and self-sufficient. People who have figured out how to get where they are largely on their own.
But what if one of the reasons they are successful is that they know when to ask for help?
That idea stood out to me in a recent New York Times article by psychologist Angela Duckworth about the role asking for help plays in achievement. She points to something we often overlook when we tell stories about success: behind almost every accomplishment are people who offered advice, opened a door, shared their expertise, challenged an assumption, or simply helped at the right moment.
And yet, asking for help can be surprisingly difficult — particularly for accomplished leaders.
As you become more senior, there is often an expectation that you should have the answers. People come to you for direction and decisions, and it’s easy to equate leadership with self-reliance. Asking for help may even feel like admitting that you don’t know something you should.
In my experience, the opposite is true. The strongest leaders I work with are not afraid to say, “I need another perspective.” They understand that good judgment includes recognizing what you know, what you don’t know, and when someone else can help you see a situation differently.
Duckworth’s article is an important reminder that we also tend to underestimate how willing people are to help us. We convince ourselves that we may be imposing, appearing incapable, or asking too much. Those assumptions can keep us from reaching out when a conversation, introduction, or different perspective could make a meaningful difference.
My advice: don’t make going it alone a measure of your strength.
Ask the question. Make the call. Seek out someone whose experience differs from yours. Build relationships with people who will challenge your thinking rather than simply reinforce it. And when you’re facing a consequential decision, give yourself permission to seek counsel.
This is particularly important at the executive level, where the decisions become more complex and the number of people who can offer completely candid feedback can become smaller. Sometimes you don’t need someone to tell you what to do. You need someone who can ask the right questions and help you arrive at the right answer for yourself.
That is a large part of what I do as a trusted advisor and executive coach. So, if you’re navigating a leadership challenge, weighing a career decision, preparing for what’s next, or simply finding that you could use another perspective, ask for help. And if I can be that sounding board and trusted advisor for you, reach out. Sometimes one conversation can bring the clarity you have been trying to find on your own.
Best,
Michael
